‘It turns out that every single vehicle in the Mount Anville cor pork has had its tyres done. Except one’

Sorcha is tense. Yeah, no, for her, the first day back after the school holidays is like the first day of the Six Nations for me. In other words, a matter of life and death.

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More from Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

  1. 07:07‘You need to look up the difference between mincemeat and minced meat. Merry focking Christmas’Dec 08, 2023
  2. 06:38‘I’ve never even cleaned up my own children’s vomit, I’m not mopping up after some randomer’Dec 01, 2023
  3. 05:33‘Sneaking around behind my wife’s back is something I’m very, very good at, in fairness to me’Nov 24, 2023
  4. 06:18I wake up on Sunday morning thinking, am I having one of my famous erotic dreams?Nov 17, 2023
  5. 06:15Sorcha is like me before every Ireland squad announcement – in other words, focking delusionalNov 10, 2023
  6. 06:33‘When I close my eyes at night, I can still see that bird’s horrible, leering face’Nov 03, 2023
  7. 06:00‘Sorcha, I honestly don’t think we can just saunter in here like nothing has happened’Oct 27, 2023
  8. 06:32‘Ross, this is all your fault, you sniggering halfwit - that daughter of yours has been going wrong since the day she was born’Oct 27, 2023
  9. 06:03‘Ross, didn’t you get a present of an All Blacks jersey once and use it to wash the cor?’Oct 13, 2023
  10. 06:13‘What does being Johnny Sexton’s hype man involve exactly, Dad?’Oct 06, 2023