‘A chap taught me how to hot-wire a cor this morning,’ the old man goes

The old man looks surprisingly well for a man who’s been banged up for, like, a week and a bit. I’m sitting in the visiting room when he walks in and he’s, like, deep in conversation with another, I want to say, inmate? It’s a good, like, five minutes before he saunters over to where I’m sitting...


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More from Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

  1. 07:07‘You need to look up the difference between mincemeat and minced meat. Merry focking Christmas’Dec 08, 2023
  2. 06:38‘I’ve never even cleaned up my own children’s vomit, I’m not mopping up after some randomer’Dec 01, 2023
  3. 05:33‘Sneaking around behind my wife’s back is something I’m very, very good at, in fairness to me’Nov 24, 2023
  4. 06:18I wake up on Sunday morning thinking, am I having one of my famous erotic dreams?Nov 17, 2023
  5. 06:15Sorcha is like me before every Ireland squad announcement – in other words, focking delusionalNov 10, 2023
  6. 06:33‘When I close my eyes at night, I can still see that bird’s horrible, leering face’Nov 03, 2023
  7. 06:00‘Sorcha, I honestly don’t think we can just saunter in here like nothing has happened’Oct 27, 2023
  8. 06:32‘Ross, this is all your fault, you sniggering halfwit - that daughter of yours has been going wrong since the day she was born’Oct 27, 2023
  9. 06:03‘Ross, didn’t you get a present of an All Blacks jersey once and use it to wash the cor?’Oct 13, 2023
  10. 06:13‘What does being Johnny Sexton’s hype man involve exactly, Dad?’Oct 06, 2023