Hearing it is complicated

Well 2022 has been a right nightmare already!! This time we talk (in Dr J’s case very excitedly) about the words we need to hear and what it means to hear them.


Dr J has four things they always wanted to hear - and by saying them to another person - they get to also hear them for themselves:

- I am proud of you

- I love you

- I think you are an amazing person

- I can’t wait to see your brilliant future


Josephine reflects what it means to hear these things - especially when you are struggling with recovery from post-covid fatigue and trying to work full time, teaching, write a PhD, have a life with her partner and child, and editing this podcast. Spending all their spare energy worrying about what they have not been able to do they needed to hear that they are worth spending energy on. 


We are resilient and powerful and have coping mechanisms that protect us. Our hypercritical voice overwhelms the outside voices and the negative voice grinds you down, and you get exhausted and they gain more power.

Coping mechanisms include shedding the skins of old selves, old ways of coping, and putting these aside and looking at what behaviours we do now. In the past help was not there, and we needed to get through, so we found ways. High standards and hypervigilance got us here, and might not be what gets us through now. 


We feel stressed and worried, our brain isolates us further and we forget we are not alone. We loose our connection with external voices and our ability to hear and engage with them. 


When we reach out, connect and are heard it is powerful. We start to connect to reality, we heal, and we get into better spaces.

We want to tell you lovely young queers - hey, it sucks, and I’m sorry you have to cope the way you are right now. I really do hope you find yourself in a position where you don’t have to cope with everything. It’s not about you, it’s about the culture and structures you are in, and your response to that is normal and natural. I am very proud of you, I am very excited to see what you do, and you are loved. And you are an amazing person.

Dr J then raves about the wonderful “Hello cruel world” by Kate Bornstein https://g.co/kgs/m2fsSp - and will send you a copy if you need it if you DM them on Twitter.


Earnestly expressing this, our want to make the world better for everyone is a good thing. Being there for you and for each other makes us feel really lovely things!

Note: There are some sound issues with Josephine’s recording - we decided the emotional content of the episode was worth putting out even if the sound wasn’t up to our standards.


We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 51 Transcript


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