183: What if everyone was watching you?

“If you could imagine having thoughts that frightened you, then other times they made you believe things about your perception or what you were seeing weren’t real or distorted…you would do anything to stop it.”


Producers: Whit Missildine, Matt Volla


Episode Summary: After making a successful career and surviving several tumultuous relationships, a woman descends into the darkest depths of severe mental illness

Today’s episode featured Melissa. You can find out more about her on her website, ifnotnowthenwhen.website/, which is still in progress, but which she hopes to create as a resource for others with similar struggles.

Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappening

Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com

Website for Matt Volla: mattvolla.com

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Content/Trigger Warnings: mental illness, suicide attempt, sexual assault, psychosis, explicit language


Intro Music: "Illabye" – Tipper

Music Bed: “Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie



If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 

National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264

National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741