Wolves were the latest to capitalise on more Man United malaise last night, with their understated win celebrated by an understated Bruno Lage. Kate, Pete and Jim wonder whether their lack of goals at both ends can sustain a Europa League chase.

Elsewhere Wayne Rooney might well be plotting the greatest of escapes, Pete's latest investigative journalism uncovers some deep state Andy Carroll theories and we discuss the latest bizarre batch of footballer retirement plans.

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