Marcus, Vish and Luke revel in the Premier League's glorious return, as Man United's turgid defeat to Brighton nudges them closer to signing famously amicable moron, Marko Arnautović. Yakubu's up next!

Elsewhere, Erling Haaland did his best Aleksandar Mitrović impression with two imperious goals, while Newcastle's handsome hunks got them off the mark and Mike Dean's influence is trickling down the leagues!

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