Pert and juicy: Stoke go down, West Brom cling on, Brighton survive…

We can confirm that BRIGHTON ARE SAFE! David “The Ferryman” Moyes has also turned West Ham’s season around and rowed it back to shore, and our beloved Roy Hodgson has kept Palace up but elsewhere the relegation scrapes continue. 

We also learn about Pete’s adventures in Chinatown, have an innovative new idea for how to distribute cards, and get a timely reminder that a certain Sepp Blatter is still very much at large. 

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Further reading:

Neil Warnock does it again:

Arsene Wenger’s goodbye tour continues:

Crystal Palace stay up with aplomb:

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