All of a sudden I see Sheriff

The combined squads on show at the Parc des Princes: €2bn. Real Madrid losing at home to a team from an unrecognised breakaway state in their maiden Champions League season: priceless.

Jules, Jim and Vish recap the first night of matchweek two, with Pep delighted by Lionel Messi's wondergoal and Liverpool putting Porto to the sword yet again. We also solve some more listener dilemmas and get a long-overdue water pistol update!

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